Lame Jokes

A man went down to the pet shop, and asked to buy a pet that was very smart, and could do chores for him. The pet shop owner showed him a centipede and told the man it could talk and do anything he asked. The owner demonstrated. "Go and get my jacket." She told the centipede. So the centipede said "Yes, ma'am," went and got the jacket and gave it to her. The man was impressed, and bought the centipede. At the house, the centipede was as helpful as ever, making the bed, and sweeping the floor just as his master asked. One morning, the man said "Centipede, go outside and fetch the newspaper, please." "Okay." The centipede replied. So the man waited... and waited. Two hours later, the centipede came back with the paper. "What took you so long?!" The man asked. "Sorry, sir," the centipede replied "I had to put my shoes on first."

Weird But True

Recently I heard about something very strange, yet cool that many people believe. Here's the story: A long time ago, the vikings started traveling north, and dissapeared. No one knows what became of them. They were never found... until now. People have reported seeing strange mirage-type images of green mountains, have seen branches with live, green leaves on them, floating in the water, and found freshly killed Mammoths, all at the North Pole. It all adds up. People believe and have even seen a hole in the ground in the North Pole, where it's very warm and green year round, in a hollow spot under the earth's crust, where decendants of the vikings now live. A scientist claims to have visited this world, and says that the people there are very tall, friendly, and have blond hair. And there are Dinosours there, too. It makes sense. We know Dinosours still exist, though few are spotted. Some Dinosouars must have lived in the hole at the time of whatever it was that made them extinct up here. Whether it be the change in climate, or meteors, they escaped it. We're not sure if it's true, but it is a very interesting and exiting theory worth researching.

Politics

Obama. What is up with that guy? Did you hear he is going to outlaw guns and bring all our troops home (which he doesn't support) if he gets elected? That ain't right. Vote for McCain!!!

Sports

I have one thing to say... GO STEELERS!!!!! Okay, now I'm good. I just had to say that. :)

Cool TV Shows

I recently came across two very exiting documentary series on the Discovery channel. Destroyed In Seconds and Storm Chasers. There must be something wrong with me. I greatly enjoy watching stuff get blown up and destroyed. ;) On Destroyed In Seconds, there was a man who built a completely bullet-proof bulldozer, and started bashing down cars and buildings with it to get revenge! And in the end, he died. Boy, some people. :P And there was a van that suddenly came crashing through the side of a diner, and one guy was so startled, he ended up on top of the table, while another man, who had been sitting only inches away from where the van had landed, just stood up, put his hat on, and walked away as if nothing had happened. As for Storm Chasers, well, I think I would actually enjoy being inches away from a tornado. I do love taking good nature pictures. So, they are still getting all the glitches out of the new, almost-indestructible storm-chasing vehicle they just built. Those are two great action-packed educational shows.

Did Ya Know?

Did you know, there is a village in Whales called "LLAN-FAIR-PWLL-GWN-GYLL-GOGERY-CHWY-RNDROB-WLLLLAND-YSILIO-GOGOGOCH"? And there is an Indian-named river called "CHAR-GOGGA-GOGG-MAN-CHAUGA-GOGG-CHAUBUNGA-GUNGA-MAUG"? (Both those are really all one word, I just put dashes between them to make them easier to read.) Try memorizing those!

Cute Animal Of The Week!

This week's cute animal: The baby seal! How precious!

Politics

Hey. Just wanted to remind you to vote "No" on issue 6. Casinos are very bad for our country. We don't need any more of that junk. Anyhow, I thought this picture was just the cutest! How do they do that? I love it! (Click on this picture to get a closer look at it.)

Good Quotes From Books

I'm not peticularly fond of poems, but I thought this one was pretty good.
Doubt sees the obstacles. Faith sees the way.
Doubt sees the darkest night. Faith sees the day.
Doubt dreads to take a step. Faith soars on high.
Doubt questions, "Who believes?" Faith answers, "I."

Lame Jokes

An easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle , and finally made enough money to buy his dream spread in Wyoming. "So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend when he flew out to visit. "We had a hard time," admitted the new cowboy. "Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch." "Wow!" his friend was impressed "So, where are all the cows?" The cowboy grinned sheepishly and replied "None of 'em survived the branding."

Politics

Apparently, Obama just made a ton of money, and he has to spend it on his campaign, so he's going to spend it all on anti-McCain commercials. (Boring, I know, but that's all I've heard in a while.)LOL, this picture is funny, though!

On The News

I heard recently that these pirates found a weapon ship that had radioactive sand aboard, that the people on the ship were planning to use to blow up Israel by letting the sand drift there. It must be pretty dangerous, because 16 men died from it. Radioactive sand... weird! But God protected Israel.

Good Quotes From Books

"People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened."

Spy Stuff

Hello, Spies. I'm here to remind you to be very careful on your missions. Again. Recenly, while I was running away from a warehouse that was starting to catch on fire from the bomb that had just exploded, I slipped and hurt my ankle. :P But luckily, I've recovered, and the fire was put out before much damage could be done. Hmmm, this looks like the work of Thompson. We must catch him!

Did Ya Know?

Did you know, an insect loses one-third of it's body weight in an hour's flight?

Lame Jokes

Man on an airplane: "Wow! Those people look like ants from up here!"
Pilot: "Those ARE ants. We haven't taken off yet."

Why did the gum cross the road? Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot!

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window that says, "Cruise Special-Only $99!" She goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and says, "I'd like the $99 Cruise Special, please." The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to an inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 Cruise. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Eventually, she catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while, then the first blonde asks "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?" The second blonde replies "They didn't last year."

How Star Trek Changed The World

I was just watching a documentary on Star Trek. It was very interesting. It showed how Star Trek made a huge impact on technology. From watching Star Trek, people got the idea and inspiration to invent things like: medical machines that can remove harmful things from your head by using a laser, ipods, cell phones, better computers, and one guy figured out how to put a computer chip in his arm that made a robotic arm move as his hand moved. And people are continuing to invent things, inspired by Star Trek. Unless you've watched Star Trek a lot, you won't know what a "holodeck" is, but a man is working on inventing that. It would be spectacular if such a thing could be invented. A holodeck is a room in which you can tell the computer to create a scene, like, a desert, or even a story, like Sherlock Holmes, and the computer creates a very realistic, life-sized scene, and you're actually in it. You could be Sherlock Holmes, and really solve a mystery. It's like being inside a computer game. That would be cool. So, everyone: watch Star Trek!!!

Cars Of The Future

You know, in a few years, we'll probably have cars that are completely auto-pilot. They already have cars that can back themselves up, GPS systems, and proto-type cars that beep when you cross the yellow line in the road. And they have auto-pilot airplanes. And, in a car magazine I was reading, it said they are working on inventing a device where, the car can sense other objects, and drive around them by itself. Like, it can swerve around falling objects in front of it. This is amazing! All they have to do is put all of these features together, and pretty soon we'll be able to kick back and relax while the car drives. There would never be any car accidents again! I can't wait. :)

Ever Wondered?

Did you ever wonder what the word "buffet" means in the song "It is Well"? (Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come...) Have you ever tried driving in a wind storm? Well, that's what it means. The wind buffets you, just as Satan tries to push us away from the strait and narrow road of serving God.

Politics

There's a comercial out for Obama that says "Obama loves his country." But the ironic thing is that it didn't say he loves AMERICA. Yes, I'm sure he does love HIS country. :P

Good Quotes From Books

These are from a book in the "Christian Heritage" series by Nancy Rue. "There is no CAN'T, there is only TRY." "All you can do is your best. God will fill in the rest."

Cute Animal Of The Week!

The cute animal for this week is the quite adorable Red Panda!

Spy Stuff

Hello, fellow spies. It's me again. Here to remind you that Thompson and his gang are still on the loose, and very dangerous. We must all try to stop them from operating their dangerous operation. I'm sure they're just itching to blow something up. So, be on the look out, and stay safe during your missions.

Something To Think About

If there had been recorded time back then, how long do you think it was before God created the earth?

Did Ya Know?

In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a license, and in Atlanta, Georgia, it's illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole?

My Dream Car

Look! This is my dream car. A black 2005 Ford Mustang GT! (Complete with spy gadgets!)

Lame Jokes

"That's a strange pair of socks you're wearing. One is green, and the other is orange with purple spots!" "That's not so strange. I have another pair just like it at home."

Deputy: "I hear that a charging rhino won't hurt you if you carry a flashlight."
Sheriff: "True... if you carry it fast enough."

Cute Animal Of The Week!

Alrighty! This week's cute animal iiiiiiiis... the Fennec Fox! Awwwwwwww, how sweet!

Politics

The word on the street is that Sarah Palin will probably run for President at the next election. By then, I will be old enough to vote, so I really hope she does. She's my favorite of any of them. Forget all those false rumors about her. Palin for President!

Did Ya Know?

Did you know, Thomas Jefferson is the one who brought waffles to the United States?

Introduction

Hello People! This is my first blog! :D Yay! On my blog, you will be able to read about my opinion on politics, sports, vehicles, spiritual stuff, music, movies, and books; and read jokes, fun facts, stuff to make you think, and cool spy stuff. Please feel free to comment on any of my posts. :) Enjoy!-Audra